So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
