I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
