Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
