At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
its not stalking. its research.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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