When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
