They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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