I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
