my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Randomize
