i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
