i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
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