I can tuck mytits in my pants
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
