Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Randomize
