the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Randomize
