I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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