im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
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She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
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He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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