you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
