But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Randomize
