$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
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