Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
