So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
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hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
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That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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