she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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