I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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