Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
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