I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
