Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
