Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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