fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
