So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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