he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
