I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
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