Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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