I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
