It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
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My thoughts exactly.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
