I feel like I'm in dance class right now
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Randomize
