Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
