I wanna bring you to show and tell
She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Ambien. No doubt about it.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Randomize
