I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
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DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
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I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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