The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
