the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
