I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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