Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
