If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
