hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
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Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
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My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
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