he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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