textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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