she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I think your dad took our porno
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
