If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
