You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
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I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.