I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
