I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
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You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
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I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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