keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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