Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I woke up under a house in Key West
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
