i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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