I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
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