Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
And then my night got REAL pukey
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
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