then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
