Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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