What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
