I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Randomize
