I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
