My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
